Finding My Voice

I have always struggled to define my voice as an academic. In graduate school I was often critiqued for being insufficiently "philosophical". When I took classes in other divisions like Political Science or Sociology I was "too philosophical". When I completed the PhD I began to explore other areas and ways of writing and discovered that I had worked so hard to do what was needed to get the PhD that I had seemingly lost my own voice in the process. My writing was now "too technical" and dense, my ideas "too complicated". Now that I am shifting towards retention and education I am finding that my work lacks some of the concrete applicability that is required. I no longer know who my audience is or who I want it to be. While I have continued to win research grants and present in conferences, I often feel "homeless". I never quite fit in and am always conscious of the gaps. I do not know where my ideas are supposed to live or who they are supposed to live with. So many of my friends are publishing and have found their academic "homes" in tenure track positions. When I made the decision to eschew that well-worn path I had not, at the time, realized the full ramifications of that decision. I did not understand that I was leaving so much of what was familiar behind. I have had to learn so many new languages. I have had to traverse and navigate "alien" circles. I am a philosopher turned administrator... In some ways this is perfect for me, but in other ways it is confusing and alienating. Who are my colleagues? What do I read? Where do my ideas live? When I made the decision not to look for a faculty position I felt like a maverick, I was excited about the possibility of building my own academic "home". The tricky thing is that no one can do this alone. The bigger trick is that you have to be very creative in figuring out exactly who to ask for help. My current "team" consists of: deans, scholars from various disciplines and institutions, non-profit workers, community activists, provosts, public school teachers, college support personnel, students, artists... These are my unlikely neighbors and now I have to do the work of sorting and figuring out how they all fit together in helping me to construct my new home.